Ribald Rural Rhymes

Some of you may well be thinking there is a place for ribaldry,
Among the poems of a Fifer in recent history.
Exact dates are not important but I hope that you will realise,
That ribaldry is endemic in Scottish rhyming enterprise,
You might have heard me and others singing,
At the close of a tattie-picking day,some lyrics I remember,
Which cheered the horse-drawn dung cart ride upon our homeward way.

"Old Auchtermuchty once more, Its the place that I adore,
And when I reach Dundee I’ll be longing to see
Old Auchtermuchty once more."

"Holy Moses I am dying, say "Goodbye" before I go,
And if the gaffer tries to find ye
We’ll shove the digger up his HOL -
Y Moses I am dying say Goodbye before I go. (repeated!)"

"All people that on Earth do dwell,
Come to Stalker’s rasps and pull like hell."

"Four and twenty virgins.
Came down from Inverness,
And before the night was over
There was four and twenty less,
Singin’ Wha will dae it this time ?
Wha will dae it noo ?
The man that did it the last time
Canna dae it noo."

"Shall we gather at the digger ?
Yes we’ll gather at the digger,
Gather for the gaffer at the digger,
All the ‘bits’ that he has trod.
Gather with the women at the digger
And never think at all about God."

"Jack and Jill went up a hill ,
To fetch a pail of water,
But Jack felled Jill,
And she lay still,
Showing what he was after."